There is a certain shock from the other direction of transition too. My pre-transition life wasn't easy because I've always been outwardly queer and otherized as a result, but I also experienced more respect in the workplace. Most of my struggles originated from family dynamics, not from standard social experiences navigating the world. Being queer in the workplace was tough, but once I found myself in a more progressive city, being seen as a queer man allowed me to navigate my professional life much easier. Since coming out, I've had to fight harder to be taken seriously in professional settings. I've had to fight for fair pay in a way I didn't before. People are far more concerned with my body than they used to be.
As a closeted trans woman I certainly experienced more struggles for autonomy than your average cis man, but when I started presenting myself overtly as a woman, the struggles I face multiplied exponentially. Even back when I had just started dressing "boy-femme," I was pretty immediately shocked by how much public ownership the world assumes over feminine people. I have to tell men almost every time I go out to not touch me. I've even had women make sexual comments about me that were definitely not welcome or invited.
Truly, nothing could have prepared me for receiving thousands of messages from vulturous men on a dating app. Nothing could prepare me for the level of sexual aggression directed at photos of me that I see as fairly conservative. Nothing could prepare me for the least sexual presentation of myself to be so incredibly sexualized. Nothing could have prepared me for how visible I am in the world today.
It was also quite shocking at first how men almost immediately started being more careful with what they say around me. I am hugely aware of how men speak when they don't think women are around to judge how they speak about women and the performance they put on to be seen as a good man. I have encountered very few men whose sexual proclivities aren't at least a little bit gross. In some spaces the way that I am seen as a liability, someone to be handled with kid gloves to avoid offending me, is maddening. So much of "male feminism" is wildly performative -- not because they are on our side, but because they fear being labeled a misogynist.
I've experienced a deeper level of connection with my community, but I had to overcome a lot of dissociation to get there. I feel more deeply now, for better and worse. I am more aware of my emotions, and I am more vigilant out in public due to my increased vulnerability. I rarely feel safe out in public. Navigating public transit alone is often not an option, where I used to feel quite comfortable taking trains after midnight in any city I lived in. Before coming out, male uber drivers never trauma dumped on me. I am extremely grateful for the privilege of being able to own and maintain a car, but I also wish I could take a bus without fear.
The way the world treats me even as a visibly trans woman is far different than when I was navigating the world from a closet. I understood the need for feminism intellectually back then, but now it's a much more emotional and personal reality grounded in my lived experience. Honestly, I could speak endlessly about this. Misogyny and transmisogny are no longer shocking to me, but expected aspects of my life that I navigate as best as I can with the skills I've gained and tools afforded to me.
