Is Twilight Just a Mormon Afterlife Side Quest Gone Wrong?

It has occurred to me that the Twilight Saga is basically an epilogue to The Book of Moroni theorizing what trials the post-resurrection Mormon final judgment might entail.

Basically: “”“oh hey Edward — Can I call you ‘Eddie?’ No? Well fine. I’m the lead developer and Mormon God here, and you died tragically and stuff, super painful and embarrassing, actually, so I’m gonna to set things in motion to have a very self-hating ex-gay youth group leader turn you into a Eurocentrically attractive immortal cryptid virgin, k? Yeah, I know, sorry. Carlisle Cullen is literally just a half-downloaded Angel Moroni NPC who got stuck in a bugged-out side quest called ‘Immortal Pacifist Blood Doctor.’ I tried respawning him into the Celestial Kingdom, but he was already too committed to his whole ‘eternal Mormon hospital dad’ LARP, so I just let him keep running in the background. Unfortunately for you, he has a thing for resurrecting pretty white kids.

So yeah, your whole family sucks; don’t even get me started on your confederate soldier brother who’s dating your manic pixie dream sister. On the bright side you’ll be sexually irresistible to humans! Oh, but also… you’ll experience a nearly irrepressible urge to drink human blood (sorry lol) and also you’ll have unlimited sexual stamina… but, small downside, fucking will almost…